False Metal

It’s been a while since I’ve heard good old rockin’ in the tradition of big hair, tight spandex and haze-filled nights originating straight from Finland. Named after the Finnish tennislegend Veli Paloheimo, Brother Firetribe blasts out shamelessly melodic tunes that are oozing with Van Halen, Journey and Def Leppard. The opener Break Out dishes the party-hardy attitude in your face and it doesn’t end for the next fourty-five minutes. I’m On Fire has more than the title to share with the Halen boys with its freewheeling jamming. Midnite Queen and Lover Tonite are exactly as cheesy as they sound but sweet Jehosephat, they rock like hell. Valerie has to be an ode to the hottest babe on Beverly Hills 90210. Otherwise the band couldn’t get away with such pussy-whipped sentimentality in 2006. Or could they? Albums like these require mandatory power ballads, right? Not to worry, Love Goes Down (a marvellous double entendre) and Spanish Eyes do the job fabulously with just the right (read: large) amounts of melancholy and fromage. Vocalist Pekka Ansio Heino puts on his best Steve Perry-emulation and pulls off a great, honey-dripping effort. The gleaming background harmonies – while not reaching Hysteriaesque heights of perfection – bring that warm, fuzzy 80s feeling with ease. The massive, skyscraper-sized keyboards are beautiful. Listen to the intro of the rolling One Single Breath and tell me you don’t instantly think of 1984, or more importantly, Van Halen’s 1984. Bursting walls of guitars are provided by Emppu Vuorinen (of Nightwish-fame) with scorching solos to boot. Every chorus is appropriately suited into stadium-molds. The “sing-alongability”-factor with these sticky babies is through the roof. I can’t get that fist-pumping mumbo-jambo on Kill City Kid out of my head no matter how I try – and I like it. The production is superstrong, although it gets one thing wrong. The drums aren’t loud enough! With music like this, the skins (especially the snare drum) should have a sound that with every whip of the stick, a damned A-bomb goes off! Just like on Hysteria or Mötley’s Dr. Feelgood! A minor defect, but for a self-proclaimed hair rock-addict like myself, it is quite apparent. Overall, this is a fun record and absolutely the perfect choice for the summer nights (no VH-pun intended) of high speeds, good times and hot women. If you’re looking for the latest way to depress the living hell out of yourself, go pick up some experimental, ambient goth/doom-records – or perhaps some HIM. If you’re looking for a party, pick up False Metal. Period.